Okay, I get it.  We are bombarded everyday with images of flat abs, huge boobs and huge rumps courtesy of the hip hop nation, but let’s get real folks.  How often do you see these women walking around your local grocery store?  I am truly convinced these women are held in cryo-stasis somewhere and fed a diet consisting only of Crunk Juice and Luke CD’s.  Now, I won’t bash them too hard, after all, without them what in the world would the baby oil and thong industry do?

Now, my issue is with how we as women are dealt with out here in the real world.  Okay, let’s use on of my own experiences.  Back in the day, (don’t you dare ask me how far) I was dating this guy.  We were pretty serious and had been dating for a while.  We decided to go out to a house his parents had way out by the Maryland shore.  Now, I make it a rule for myself to always to look my best for my man.  I had a cherry red, skin tight nightie and some fire red 4 inch stilettos.  I was giving it to him!  I went into the bedroom and planted my fine ass down on the bed and waited for him to come into the room (he had gone to take a shower in one of the other bathrooms).  He walked in looking sexy and just all around delicious…until he dropped his towel.  I mean, come on…can I at least get a pair of boxers?  (Take note that the sight of his snugly fit Hanes did not deter me from getting my swerve on.  We rocked that house down! )

I wanted to find out for myself if I was the only one that felt this way.  I quickly found out that I wasn’t.  Out of 10 women I interviewed, 8 out of the 10 said that they hate the fact that women are held to such a higher standard than men are when it comes to sexual  enticement.    One of the women said that she just wants her man to at least bathe before he tries to jump on her.  Bathe?  Are you serious?  That is just plain lazy!  When I asked the 2 women that said they don’t agree with the idea that there are definite biases among the sexes on this, they stated that they believe it is the woman’s “duty” and “purpose” to entice her man and he shouldn’t be required to do anything.  After I stopped staring at them like fools, I asked them to expand on that.  One woman stated that she felt that women were put here to satisfy and entice our men.  That is why Eve was created from Adam.  Ye….ah…okay.  While I can understand the notion that we are, as women, the reproductive egg factories for the planet that still does not negate the fact that we need visual stimuli also!  I don’t know about you, but I could always go for a police officer costume or some silk pajama bottoms.  Yum!

One of my close friends, (I don’t dare say her name) was recently told by her man that she should “learn how to shake her ass like the girl in the video”.  After  she got finished calling him every name but the one he was given, she thought about it.  Why is it that men can be as sloppy and hideous as they want, but we have to be freaking prima-donnas 24/7?  I have yet to see any store solely devoted to men’s sexy lingerie.  I mean, occasionally you will happen upon a rooster g-string or a vinyl piece of shoestring that my man has adamantly refused to even look at.   Can we really complain though?  Unless we make a real issue with these disparities, we are continuing to take it.  Perfect example; I went to a show recently where there were “Male dancers” and it was posted clearly that we were not allowed to touch them.  Yet, as soon as the birthday girls went up on stage, they were dry humped and groped.  What?  Have we become so desperate and, yes I’m going to say it, STUPID, that we don’t see or refuse to see these things?

Now, we also have to make sure we aren’t kicking ourselves in the ass though, ladies.  While out with friends, I heard a chick (that’s right, I said chick) say that she wanted a man that was respectful to her, all the while she is standing there talking to her friends in a dress that showed everything that was on her mind!  Ladies, how can you expect to attract a man with more than one brain cell, if you dress like you don’t have one?  Like attracts like.  What self respecting brotha is going to want to take you around his boss and his mama looking like last week’s hoochie special?  Not only that, but when you dress like a skeezer, it not only reflects on your class, but mine.  Some brothas don’t seem to know that we are not all on the same network, so they use the same crap on you that they do on the rest of us.  Now, because you decide to show the whole city what a Brazilian looks like, I end up getting dragged out the club for dropping some ig’nant brotha that got a little free with his hands or mouth.  So, ladies, cover it up.

Women today should be inspired by the role models available to us like, Condoleezza Rice and  Michelle Obama; not the booty shaking “dyme” in Nelly’s last video.  Women are stronger and smarter  than they used to be 50 years ago!  Long gone are the days of the meek housewife sitting at home sipping on cheap chardonnay burying her feelings inside because she’s maintaining a perfect image for HIM.  Now, that’s not to say that you can’t throw on your man’s favorite candy colored thong and “shake what ya mamma gave ya” for his enjoyment.  By all means shake that thang!  Just keep your dignity in tact while you do!    You are beautiful, extraordinary, and divine in your womanhood!  So the next time your man tries to compare you to some silicone-filled video fantasy, you tell him to kiss your baby oil free ass!

Vonda Howard

Vonda Howard is the author of four novels, including the widely popular, D-Cup Dives Series that features sexy, and confident plus sized women. She is also the Editor-In-Chief of Black Literature Magazine. She also enjoys appletinis, gummy bears, Chipotle and all things filled with glitter and sparkles.

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