Okay,okay yes. I have been M.I.A. for a while, so I figured what better way to come back than with something that is really bugging me.
Arguments happen…disagreements happen, we all know that. We all have differences of opinion that’s what makes us human. Nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when we all stop listening to one another. Especially in our relationships. You want to be heard, I get it. Arguments begin when couples don’t know how to argue and don’t really listen to one another.
He begins to argue when he feels he’s being attacked by you. (criticised, constantly told what to do, negative comments about his ideas and actions, not being listened to…) He’s putting up his defenses.
She begins to argue when she feels he doesn’t care. (feels disrespected, not being listened too, less loved, controlled, feelings hurt…) Then when he doesn’t acknowledge how she feels, she reacts to him the way she feels – emotional, angry, resentful.
Both then disconnect because the energy between them is very low. The respect for one another is low, the trust for one another is low and both become very defensive. Both have their guards are now up.
The tones in each of their voices change.
The vibe between them is negative.
He wants to be right or just wants to fix the problem – The End!
She wants to tell him how she feels, ask him questions and she becomes anxious, emotional, angry and very critical.
Words and emotions erupt due to a lack of trust, respect and the biggest issue – blaming one another!
In short men need to ask women more questions and women need to become less anxious, less emotional, less critical and talk less.
Vonda Howard is the author of four novels, including the widely popular, D-Cup Dives Series that features sexy, and confident plus sized women. She is also the Editor-In-Chief of Black Literature Magazine. She also enjoys appletinis, gummy bears, Chipotle and all things filled with glitter and sparkles.