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Interracial Dating: Are You In? Or Are You Out?

I have been noticing an influx of stories on interracial dating  (U.S. far from an interracial melting pot – CNN, Interracial Marriages on the Rise for Blacks – Essence, Interracial Marriage At Its Highest Point In History? – MadamNoire) which leads me to believe that people are finally starting to realize that there are many more options available in the dating pool if you widen your net. I’m not sure why it has taken this long, but I certainly believe that it’s a topic worth exploring.

If you have read my previous articles before, you will have found that I have been happily married to a Puerto Rican man for 9 years. My reasons for dating outside my race can best be understood if you are familiar with my upbringing.

I learned at a very early age that Hispanics and Latinos were very similar to African-Americans. We face the same injustice, have similar struggles and family values, appreciate similar music, enjoy the same sports, and for some, like the same food. And when it came to choosing friends, my choices were limitless.

In my friendship pack there was Dorothy (African-American), Angie (White), and Nena (Hispanic). We dated Black, White, Hispanic, and Asian because no one told us we couldn’t. I mean, if a guy was cute, who cared if he was White! The guy was cute! But in the African-American culture, our men and women are put down for finding love without boundaries. Why is that?

Often times, people stay within their race because of fear or ignorance. I have heard many a black woman say, “what if we’re not compatible? How can I be sure that he will understand my culture? Does he even know what being ‘black’ means?” This is not a racial issue. This is a people issue. Some black people don’t even understand basic black people issues!

I understand that people have their preferences. Some want a tall, athletic, African-American man, and that’s great! But if you’re putting your love life on hold because you can’t find that exact man, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. Not only are you limiting yourself,  you are limiting another persons ability to love you! Think about that for a second…

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The most important qualities that you should want in a mate transcend racial boundaries. All that should matter is if s/he loves you, respects you,values you, and honors you and your relationship. The rest are extras; added perks. This is something every person is capable of.

I have to be honest with you, I never think about the fact that my husband is Latino. All I see is love, passion, appreciation, and admiration. Don’t you want that too? Open the door and choose: Are you in or are you out?

Interracial Marriages on the Rise for Blacks

View Comments (41)
  • i appreciate your insight, but as an african american woman that has experienced relationships with non black guys. it is a mistake. why because people have this messed up noyion that white is right and better, even our men. it is total hogwash to continue to divide and conquer the black race. have the black men hating the black woman. furthermore for these idiots that talk about i only date white girls they treat us better, same for black women who say that is a crock of hogslop. first things first how in tarnation can you have love for someone when you don’t even love and respect your own kind. there is psychologically issues with people that think like that. i understand your point about black men being locked up or gay. why is that? hmm? it is a plan for ethnic cleansing no more blacks. however we are the original (Amaru) people there is no way you can get rid of us. you can lighten us up, throw korean hair in our heads buy bleaching creme you are still black. WE NEED TO AS A PEOPLE START UNIFYING AND QUIT BUYING INTO THE PROPAGANDA THAT BLOND HAIR BLUE EYES ARE THE END ALL BE ALL OF BEAUTY…NEVER THEY HATE THEMSELVES, CHECK OUT HOW MANY WHITES DO EVERYTHING TO INMITATE US, OUR MUSIC, THE WAY WE DRESS, OUR SKIN, BUTTS, LIPS, BREASTS. THERE IS NO SHORTAGE OF BLACK MEN BUT SOME OF US BOUGIE (WANTING TO BE WHITE) FIND THEM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. THAT’S ALL FOR NOW!!! OH YEAH I LIKE THE CLOTHES FEATURED ON THIS SITE.

  • First of all love the magazine it’s good to see more curvy women getting publicity and second to be honest interracial relationships arent such a big issue in Australia. I am caucasion and I have dated men and women of different racial background and honestly no gave us a second glance and i didnt care either. MY ex Andrew was a dark as night guy from Liberia with a sexy accent and a great ass to boot. the only thing that was a constant surprise was how pale my skin looked against his.

    And to Monica I happen to be one of those people born with blue eyes and blond hair and I am offended that you would think that people would still propogate that idea of beauty. it is a Nazi idea from WW2, no one cares about that any more. and I have never tried to emulate black american culture, why? … because I am australian and proud enough of my self and my own culture not to mimic others

  • I agree with the article, we limit ourselves if we only date within our race. No one is saying that just because you date outside of your race you forget who you are and where you come from. But you should be free to love who you choose. As a hispanic women who has a biracial child, I want him to love whoever he chooses, as long as she has high morals and goals in life. Not someone who just wants to know what he can do for her, what can they do for each other.

    When it comes to being judged, I tend to find hispanic men don’t like hispanic women dating out of their race, especially an african american but hey have no problem dating caucasian women and thinking that is different. That is where the confusion comes in, how can you tell me what I can date and turn around and do exactly the opposite. I hate the saying “they are taking all OUR good men” what does that mean and when did ALL of them become yours.

    Find someone you have similar interests with, that loves and respects you and look beyond the color and learn from the great experience of learning a whole wonderful new culture, you may have more in common then you think.

  • This is what I don’t understand as African American women, why do we want to limit ourselves; men don’t. I don’t care if he is white, black, hispanic, asian or whatever, as long as he loves and respects me for me. That’s what should matter. I have dated outside of my race and it does get a little annoying to hear my friends say just assume that I don’t date black men. That’s never the case; I love men. It also annoys me when friends say that other race men don’t like them because their black. That’s not the case, either you picking the wrong one and judging the mass because of the few. Sounds familiar. God made us all and didn’t see color because we were made in his image. Women, stop downing men when you see them with a woman outside their race and men, stop downing the women. Love knows no color or boundaries.

  • I have dated black men, Hispanic men, Italian men, Egyptian men… And I wound up marrying a white Jewish man, which was totally the one thing I told myself I would never do. But, when you fall in love you follow your heart – skin color doesn’t matter.

  • My husband is Hispanic, much to my mother’s dismay lol. She wanted me to find a “nice white boy” but I love my husband, and his family is great. We’re expecting our first little half and half baby girl in December and I can’t wait, mixed children are always so cute 🙂

  • Thanks for posting. Some things for me to think about. I tend to be the opposite and actually descriminate against my own race/color. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t be caught dead dating a white guy…but color really shouldn’t matter.

  • my parents were interracial, my husband (married 9/8/12!!!) are also interracial. It doesnt matter. What matters is in the heart.

  • It’s unfortunate that this IS still a relevant topic in 2012. People need to stop limiting themselves and assuming they know what everyone thinks about their race. If you just open up and get to know people, regardless of their skin color, you’ll open up a whole new world. Love is love, no matter what a person’s skin, hair or eyes look like.

  • i honestly didnt even think this was still a topic of discussion. as a latina i am not blind to the fact that many are against the races mixing but i thought mist of them wore a pointed white cap and burned crosses.

  • You do understand there is one race, “The Human Race.” Color is all a matter of melanin, which developed via evolution through location and need. White was not the original color. Several hundreds of thousands of years ago, we would have looked like a hairier version of the average Middle Eastern human, and possibly even a dark African skin tone.. Someone didn’t read their science lecture notes.

  • Even tho I consider myself a Black Woman….I have ancestors of different races and its not as simple as black/white …so who I date doesnt really matter nor do I discriminate I was taught to love a person for who they are as a person….

  • The way I see it, there’s only one race…THE HUMAN RACE. Yes, humans come in an interesting array of colors, yes we look different, but we all eat, sleep, breathe, lust, & love the same.

  • I love black men. They are the best lovers in the world. But I also believe, that it doesnt really matter what color skin you are. It all comes down to the attraction you have for that person because of it’s personality, charmingness. You just know when it’s right.

  • I love men. Period. White, black, Hispanic, wheelchair or cane. As long as you treat me right I will make you blissfully happy.

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