“Make it Work!” I love Tim Gunn from Project Runway; always giving inspiration with a sprinkle of well deserved criticism and a dash of reality.
There will come a time in your life when searching for “the one” goes out of style, and your enthusiasm about finding them wears thin. This I call a “make it work” moment.
Looking for love can be a daunting task, and when you’ve been searching most of your life to no avail, thoughts of remaining alone start to set in. “Will I ever find him? Is he out there for me? I don’t want to be alone…”
A few weeks ago, I posted a link on Twitter about an old Yahoo.com article I ran across called “19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person.” It was cute. I got a few chuckles from it. But there were many quotes from those who seemed extremely pissed off! Even the author found a few of these encouraging words to be “offensive and frustrating.”
Let’s take a look:
- It happens when you’re not looking. “This is just bull. Some people find people when they’re looking; some don’t. You’re not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people.” -Beth
- You’re too picky. “This may be true, but it feels like I’m getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness — when I’m already down.” –Sarah
- You’ll find the right person for you. –Kelly
- He’s out there. -Kelly
- He just wasn’t the right guy for you. “I know! That’s what I’m complaining about!” – Elisa
- When the time is right, you will meet someone. –Betsy
- It will happen when you least expect it. -dlegas05, via Twitter
- It just wasn’t meant to be. “Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds.” -Reberoodle, via Twitter
You know I just have to add my two-scoops:
“It happens when you’re not looking.” I am not going to apologize for this. It is true! The moment you stop focusing on all the things you are missing in your life, and you remove the expectations that are hindering you from moving forward by just being happy with yourself as a whole person – not a half of a person waiting for another person to fill you – love will find you. It’s that simple!
“You’re too picky.” Nine times out of ten, you are. If you didn’t catch my previous article called Killer Fiction Lists, then you would have missed all of the details about how you can be your worst enemy.
If your “perfect catch” is a list of nouns, verbs, and adjectives, you-are-being-too-picky! Deal with it. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can sort through your wants versus your needs and find love.
“You’ll find the right person for you.” You will! Get over your emotions and “make it work!” The race is not given to the swift, nor to the strong, but to the one who endures to the end.
“He’s out there.” I am certain that many of you are just plain tired of hearing this, but it is true. There is someone out there for all of us. If you are someone like me, you are looking for a life partner, and life partners don’t appear overnight. So long as you don’t give up, or worse, settle, s/he will find you. Don’t let desperation be your guide.
“He wasn’t the right guy for you.” You’ve tried, and you have failed. It happens to the best and the brightest of people. Celebrities, athletes, Ivy League graduates…everyone comes across that someone who doesn’t fit what they are looking for. So what! The true test of a warrior comes in the form of resilience.
Take this as a learning experience. Through trial and error you will be able to identify what you need versus what you want, and when you’ve figured it out, you’ll be better prepared for your Mrs.
“When the time is right, you will meet someone.” I am a believer. Sometimes you come across someone who seems perfect for you, but for some reason or another, it just doesn’t work out because the time wasn’t right. You’re in one place, she’s in another… If you sit back and do as some say, “let nature take its course,” it will happen.
For me, it was the decision to stay in Los Angeles as opposed to going to Europe on tour. It was the right time, and I was in the right place. I met my husband, we fell in love, and viola!
“It will happen when you least expect it.” This goes back to my first point on “It will happen when you’re not looking.” Nothing much left to say here. Let go, and let God.
“It just wasn’t meant to be.” Understanding and accepting this can be the hardest thing for some. The time spent, tears cried, and moments shared can never be given back, but what you should always remember is that this time was not wasted.
Some of you may disagree, but I believe in purpose. Everything happens with a purpose and there are great things that can be learned from such experiences. This relationship may not have been meant to be, but it doesn’t mean the next one won’t be.
Look, dating is hard and it can be downright painful. But if you adopt a “make it work” attitude, the process can be less difficult. And when you find love, you will learn that all of the hardship you went through was worth it.
Celebrity matchmaker and founder of matchmaking agency, Shawn Mackenzi Agency, and host of Love's Playground.