I must admit I haven’t seen or heard such a buzz among women since the book “He’s just not that into you” was published a few years ago. Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” along with the film adaptation “Think Like a Man” has caused quite a stir among females of all ages. A few nights ago some friends and I went out to dinner and of course the topic came up. A male friend of ours posed the question “Why do women feel they need to read a book to find out about men?” He went on to say “All you have to do is ask us. But you also have to be ready to hear the truth”. I have to admit that I totally agree with his statement. I do believe that we, women, sometimes send men mixed signals. We “say” we want to hear the truth but at times we can’t handle the truth so we either get angry, and punish him for telling us the truth or we dismiss what he says all together and pretend he never said it. Now I’m not saying this happens in every situation but it does happen at times. I’ve seen it and I’ve even done it myself.

So I decided to take this conversation a step further and I asked the same man “If I ask you a question about something in the book will you give me an honest answer?” He said “Yes” and I went on to ask him; “What do you think about the 90 day rule? Would you go into a relationship with a woman who tells you up front that she will not have sex with you for at least 90 days?” He laughed at first but then he paused and looked off into the distance as he seriously gave it some thought. Then he looked me right in the eyes and said “That depends on the woman. It would only take me 30 days to figure out if she was worth me waiting another 60 days to have sex with her.” I turned to take a sip of my drink thinking he was finished but he continued, saying “If the emotional connection is there and I feel she’s the right woman for me, then yeah, I would wait for her.”

What do you think ladies? Would you be willing to give his method a try, of just asking a man what you want to know rather than read a book that claims to be the blueprint for having a satisfying relationship with a man? I have read the book and I enjoyed it, but honestly, most of it was common sense to me. I believe if we (women) were to think like a woman and just trust our instincts then we would be just fine. But that’s just my opinion.

Yes, there are going to be some common traits for both men and women alike, but to generalize an entire gender; I find it to be unrealistic. Each person is a unique individual so what works for one person may not necessarily work for another. Women have been telling men this for years now; not to treat us the same way he treated the woman in his last relationship because every woman is different (physically and emotionally). Just because you did something in your past relationship doesn’t mean that it will be openly accepted in your present one. And just because your “special move” felt good to your previous woman does not mean that it will feel good to your present mate. You have to start the learning process all over, from the beginning, in each new relationship. As if you’ve never been in a relationship before. The physical as well as the emotional connection are going to be brand new.

And ladies if we expect men to listen to us and respect us as individuals then we should at least treat them the same way that we expect to be treated. Treat each new relationship as if you’ve never been in a relationship before. Leave all the old baggage outside the door. It’s up to us to listen and trust our instincts when we come across those warning signs. Don’t just speed past them and ignore them. Stop, think, and react accordingly. Women have built-in alarm systems. Just make sure you’re monitoring yours.

Valerie Davis

Valerie Davis is an Award Winning Poet who discovered at an early age that writing was her true passion. St. Louis, Mo. is her hometown and where she avidly studied creative writing at the Creative Arts and Expression Laboratory (C.A.E.L.) with Shirley LeFlore.Valerie now resides in Tampa, FL. and is currently writing her first novel.

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