It was the morning I received disappointing news. After a long process, something I really wanted fell through. Was I completely surprised? No. Weeks prior I had that feeling. You know that weird sensation in the lining of your stomach that you get almost as if it’s preparing you for what’s to come? And here I had it. As always, I wanted to know why. More like a requirement I would often tell myself that I needed in order to set myself free to move on. Ironically this is the very story that I often hold on to that keeps me captive in a place in time. I seek closure to life events; life often tries to give me freedom in the chapters that end or don’t begin with no guarantee of details. A gentle voice of wisdom reminded me of the favour life does us all when we chase things that aren’t necessarily running towards us. What sense does it make or purpose does it serve to pursue something, anything, that doesn’t want you just as much?
We find ourselves in this chase from time to time, personally as well as professionally. The picture we paint of how the story will go, and who will be the characters can completely kick logic and self-respect to the side if we aren’t consciously paying attention to the signs and where we fit into the lives of others.
Regardless of how we may feel or what we may want and when we want it, the greatest wisdom and peace keeper I have found (and keep finding) is to be aligned with what’s in season for your life and meant to be yours. As my professor used to say, we sometimes master the art of squeezing things into our lives – making them fit, as opposed to allowing things into our lives that are naturally designed to be a part of our lives in their respective seasons.
This is a lesson I am reminded of in many different ways and when that struggle tightens my nerves and I am tempted to question events and demand answers that make sense to me, I recognize the message the course is re-teaching. Time and time again. As if life keeps messaging me: “Just trust me”.
In an effort to put the pieces of the story together so that it makes sense and I feel better about decisions that affect my life, I release my hold on the story however it may unfold and give up the need to know. The answers are always, always around us. Our intuition never fails to forewarn us. Life keeps showing and directing us towards what’s meant for us. If only my desire for what’s not for me would be cleared by a thirst for what’s meant for me, grounded in the confidence that this moment is perfect, as it is, however it is.
What are you chasing? Is it running towards you? Wanting you just as much as you desire it in your life? Are you settling for being an option or opting to be first, actually the only choice?