Dear Shawn Mackenzi,
I am a divorced, single mom of 3 beautiful girls that is truly looking for love. I have been on a few dates and I can truly say the pickings are really slim. Are there any truly good guys out there or am I fooling myself here. I cannot seem to find a man that is really honest about his feelings and wants to be as open with me as I am for him. They all have seemed to say all the things I want to hear in the beginning, but as soon as I allow myself to fall in and let them all the way in…they pull back!! I just start to return to him exactly what he is sending my way! What is going on? Am I doing something wrong here? If a guy is giving all the “gooeyness” and intensity in the beginning, am I wrong to give it back? Why does that happen? What’s up with that?
Thank you so much,
Confused By Love
Dear Confused by Love,
Thank you for sending in your letter. I hear your dilemma and hope to give you some perspective on your situation.
I have to say this first: there are plenty of good men out there so don’t give up hope. You mentioned that you were having trouble “finding a man who could be honest with their feelings” which leads me to believe that you may be misreading the signals the men in your life have been sending you. You are doing too much; too fast; too soon love.
The moment you start pouring your heart out to someone who hasn’t made it clear that they feel the same way is the moment you will have them running for the hills. Stop reciprocating those “feelings” you say he has for you and let him show you much he is in to you for a change. The woman who plays hard to get is the woman men will want, but if you come on to strong, it may be a turn off.
Part of the game of love is deciding which side you are on. Either you’re on the winning side or the losing, but YOU always have a choice. I say, choose to win by pulling back on the “gooeyness and intensity” and give it back only when he’s proven to you that he is worth your affection.
Do you need help with your dating or relationship dilemma? Email Shawn Mackenzi at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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