What is a Best Friend? If you look it up online, it’s listed simply as the friend that’s closest to you. Personally, I feel it’s a lot deeper than that. Often times having a best friend can rival being in a relationship with a lover.
Hold on…let me explain that.
There a lot of “feelings” involved when you have a best friend; trust, loyalty, and most of all love. Now, when I say love, I don’t mean you want to have sex with them, it simply means that just like in your romantic relationship, there is a higher level of respect, care and affection for them. This is why when a best friend is lost, the pain can often rival losing a boyfriend or girlfriend. I know this feeling all too well, unfortunately. I recently parted ways with someone I considered to be my very best friend and it cut like a knife. It hurt like hell to think that the person I considered to be like a sister to me was just using me, and once my usefulness wore off…I was out the door. In going back over all that happened, it made me look at the things that are required for best friends to work. Those things include respect, compassion, humility, empathy, trust and love.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Respect is at the base of every healthy relationship. Respecting someone means that you hold them to a high standard of esteem. Which means that you won’t say or do things to them, which are demeaning, hurtful and well…disrespectful.
Compassion is defined as a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. Compassion within the friendship has to go both ways. Being compassionate allows you to better understand what your friend may be going through.
Being humble helps with ANY relationship. Whether it’s with your friends, lovers or strangers. Humility allows you to be able to hear and truly be helpful to the other person. How can you help anyone if you’re head is so far up your ass in the clouds you that can’t hear them?
This one goes hand in hand with compassion. If you have an inkling of compassion for someone, automatically you are able to be empathetic to his or her feelings. An empathetic person is able to enter into or walk alongside an experience that is foreign to him or her, yet is capable to fully describe the experience in a way that the other person acknowledges as accurate. Giving complete attention to the other person is a way of conveying their importance and credibility.
A Biggie. Without trust there IS NO relationship. Friends should be able trust one another that the things they say to one another in confidence or otherwise will stay that way and also not be used later as weapons to hurt the other. Basically, you should be able to trust that the person you call “best friend” is who they say they are and will not intentionally hurt you.
If I sound angry and (dare I say) bitter in parts of this post, it’s because I am. Writing this was a little therapeutic for me, but I also wanted to help all those that needed this also. My mother told me that it takes times (sometime years) to really figure out if someone is really your friend. I clearly found out how very true that is. I truly believe that all the hurt, anger and confusion can be avoided if we all just follow basic rules of being decent human beings. Now, go find your best gal pal and tell her you love her!
Notice I didn’t do a special section for love, well if you really love someone…all these things come naturally!